Welcome to Hattennoki's blog/article series! I am Jaspreet Sethi, the author and founder of Hattennoki, and I’m excited to share my thoughts on brain science, learning, and development with all of you.

Children are often judged by their behavior without sufficient consideration of the developmental systems that shape it. Human behavior emerges from the situations encountered in life and the opportunities available to learn, practice, and strengthen coping strategies. For children, these capacities are still forming. Their behavior reflects the interaction of experience, environment, emotional development, and – most critically – a nervous system that is still under construction.

As shown in the infographics above, a child’s nervous system is not a finished structure but a dynamic, developing network. The Central Nervous System (CNS), consisting of the brain and spinal cord, functions as a rapidly evolving command center. During childhood, the brain undergoes extraordinary growth, forming billions of neural connections (synapses) that support learning, memory, emotional regulation, impulse control, and decision-making. This ongoing construction explains why children can appear capable and regulated one day and overwhelmed the next – the neural systems adults rely on automatically are still being wired.

The Peripheral Nervous System (PNS) connects the brain to the body and serves as a child’s sensory and motor link to the world. Through this system, children learn to move, coordinate their actions, and interpret sensory input. Many everyday struggles originate here: clothing tags may feel itchy; sounds such as a fire alarm or even a balloon bursting may feel intolerably loud; textures like a sock seam that isn’t flat may feel alarming; and transitions may feel destabilizing.

These responses are not behavioral choices but signs of a sensory system still learning to filter, organize, and prioritize information. The child is not being difficult; their sensory system is still calibrating. Their brain is literally still wiring the systems that adults often expect them to “just know.”

All nervous system communication depends on neurons – the specialized cells that transmit signals. As children explore their environment, neurons fire electrical impulses down the axon and release chemical messengers across synapses, activating other neurons. This process underlies the brain’s three core functions: sensation, integration, and response.

Sensation (e.g., the child hears the vacuum or a loud horn and covers their ears),
Integration (the brain decides whether this sound is safe or threatening), and
Response (the child cries, freezes, or runs away).

A child first detects sensory input, then the brain interprets whether it is safe or threatening, and finally the body responds.

Every tantrum, impulsive grab or action, sudden freezing or shutdown, or withdrawal is rooted in this three-step system, not in wilful misbehavior.

Because the nervous system is still developing, children often experience intense emotions, act before reflecting, require repeated instruction, and appear unusually sensitive or reactive. These patterns reflect neurological immaturity, not defiance. What adults often interpret as resistance is more accurately understood as a developing system doing its best with incomplete wiring or wiring under construction.

When behavior is viewed through a neuroscience-informed lens, the response shifts from punishment to understanding and should be strengthened by support. Children do not need to be fixed; they need time, guidance, modeling, and safe opportunities to practice skills their brains are still learning to regulate. Understanding development transforms misinterpretation into empathy – and replaces blame with informed, compassionate support.

Children are often judged by their behavior without sufficient consideration of the developmental systems that shape it. Human behavior emerges from the situations encountered in life and the opportunities available to learn, practice, and strengthen coping strategies. For children, these capacities are still forming. Their behavior reflects the interaction of experience, environment, emotional development, and – most critically – a nervous system that is still under construction.

As shown in the infographic, a child’s nervous system is not a finished structure but a dynamic, developing network. The Central Nervous System (CNS), consisting of the brain and spinal cord, functions as a rapidly evolving command center. During childhood, the brain undergoes extraordinary growth, forming billions of neural connections (synapses) that support learning, memory, emotional regulation, impulse control, and decision-making. This ongoing construction explains why children can appear capable and regulated one day and overwhelmed the next – the neural systems adults rely on automatically are still being wired.

The Peripheral Nervous System (PNS) connects the brain to the body and serves as a child’s sensory and motor link to the world. Through this system, children learn to move, coordinate their actions, and interpret sensory input. Many everyday struggles originate here: clothing tags may feel itchy; sounds such as a fire alarm or even a balloon bursting may feel intolerably loud; textures like a sock seam that isn’t flat may feel alarming; and transitions may feel destabilizing.

These responses are not behavioral choices but signs of a sensory system still learning to filter, organize, and prioritize information. The child is not being difficult; their sensory system is still calibrating. Their brain is literally still wiring the systems that adults often expect them to “just know.”

All nervous system communication depends on neurons – the specialized cells that transmit signals. As children explore their environment, neurons fire electrical impulses down the axon and release chemical messengers across synapses, activating other neurons. This process underlies the brain’s three core functions: sensation, integration, and response.

Sensation (e.g., the child hears the vacuum or a loud horn and covers their ears),
Integration (the brain decides whether this sound is safe or threatening), and
Response (the child cries, freezes, or runs away).

A child first detects sensory input, then the brain interprets whether it is safe or threatening, and finally the body responds. Every tantrum, impulsive grab or action, sudden freezing or shutdown, or withdrawal is rooted in this three-step system, not in wilful misbehavior. Because the nervous system is still developing, children often experience intense emotions, act before reflecting, require repeated instruction, and appear unusually sensitive or reactive. These patterns reflect neurological immaturity, not defiance. What adults often interpret as resistance is more accurately understood as a developing system doing its best with incomplete wiring or wiring under construction.

When behavior is viewed through a neuroscience-informed lens, the response shifts from punishment to understanding and should be strengthened by support. Children do not need to be fixed; they need time, guidance, modeling, and safe opportunities to practice skills their brains are still learning to regulate. Understanding development transforms misinterpretation into empathy – and replaces blame with informed, compassionate support.

What to do as an educator or as a parent?

• Reframe the Question

Instead of asking, “How do I control or curb this behavior?” consider asking, “What is this child’s nervous system communicating right now?” This shift immediately edits how we may respond.

If the child is:

a) overstimulated, it’s best to reduce input.
b) dysregulated, it’s an opportunity to add safety and co-regulation.
c) lacking the skill, it suggests it needs to be modelled, taught, not punished.

Even silently asking this changes tone, body language, and outcomes.

• Regulate Along With the Child Before Expecting Self-Regulation
  
  

Children borrow regulation from grown-ups.

Practical actions:
a) Lower the voice instead of raising it
b) Slow down movements
c) Soften your gaze
d) Get to eye level
e) Use fewer words when emotions are high

If a child is escalated, logic and instructions won’t land. Calm first, teach later.

• Reduce Sensory Load

Many struggles disappear when sensory stress is lowered.

At home or school:

a) Offer noise-reducing headphones
b) Dim lights where needed
c) Provide movement breaks (wall push-ups, carrying books, running in the same spot, stretching)
d) Let kids sit on the floor, wobble cushions, or stand when appropriate

These are supports, not rewards.

• Build Predictability Into the Day

The nervous system feels safer when it knows what’s coming.

Simple tools:
a) Visual schedules
b) Verbal countdowns (“5 minutes, then we are leaving”, or “…then we clean-up”)
c) Transition warnings with a consistent phrase
d) Consistent routines as far as possible

Predictability reduces meltdowns more effectively than consequences.

• Teach Skills Outside the Moment of Dysregulation
  
  

Adults cannot teach regulation during a meltdown.

Instead:
a) Practice calming strategies when the child is already calm
b) Role-play transitions
c) Rehearse asking for help
d) Practice stopping and starting activities

Think practice, not correction.

• Narrate What’s Happening in the Body (Integration)

Children need help connecting sensation to meaning to response.

Useful Phrases:
“That sound startled your body.”
“Your muscles got tight when it was time to stop playing.”
“Your body is telling you it needs a break.”

This builds brain pathways for self-awareness over time.

• Separate the Child From the Behavior

Children internalize how adults interpret their actions.

Avoid:
“You’re being difficult.”
“We’ve spoken about this so many times.”
“Why can’t you…?”

Instead, try saying:
“Your body needs a break.”
“This feels too big right now.”
“Let’s go for a walk.”

This protects identity while addressing behavior.

• Replace Punishment With Repair and Learning

Consequences that shame don’t build neural skills.

Better alternatives:
a) Help the child clean up with you.
b) Practice what to do next time.
c) Offer choices after calm returns.
d) Focus on repairing relationships, not asserting power

Accountability + Safety = Growth

• Normalize Inconsistency

A regulated day followed by a meltdown doesn’t mean “regression.”

It means:
a) The nervous system is highly taxed.
b) Skills aren't accessible under stress.
c) More support is needed that day.
d) Progress in development is uneven, not linear.

• Adult Nervous Systems Need TLC Too

Dysregulated adults can’t consistently support dysregulated children.

Small but powerful supports look like these:
a) Rotate responsibilities when possible to avoid overburdening and overwhelming yourself.

b) Build in moments for adult decompression.

c) Normalize asking for help - from another caregiver who can “lend” you their calm.

d) Reduce perfectionistic expectations.

A calmer adult nervous system is the most powerful intervention available.

Children don’t grow when we pressure them to behave better or expedite maturity. They grow when they feel safe, when they are given time, and when they are repeatedly taught and supported in practicing the skills and coping strategies they need. When adults pause to understand child development - and recalibrate the environment and their own responses accordingly - behavior often shifts naturally, without coercion, fear, or shame.

About the Author

Jaspreet’s journey reflects a deep and evolving commitment to learning and child development. She has grown from scholar to educator and, ultimately, to mother - each role shaping and enriching the next. Along the way, she has consulted with schools, partnered with educators, supported homeschooling families, developed curriculum, and worked directly with children as a teacher, with educators as a trainer, and with parents as a mentor. These experiences have shaped a well-rounded perspective, allowing her to understand learning and development through the lenses of study, teaching, and parenting. She strives to thoughtfully bridge theory with real-life practice.